so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
