he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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