I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
