You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize