I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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