I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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