we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
