I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
