Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
