i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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