In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
