so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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