Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
