I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
