before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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