Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
so much tequila, so little girl.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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