I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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