your room smells of hookers.
And success
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
