oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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