everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
