You're so nebulous sometimes
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
4 words: hood of his car
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Holy shit dude........stairs
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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