You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
