Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
