i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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