Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
