I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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