you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
