WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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