Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
