she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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