i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
