We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
