I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
