My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
