I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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