OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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