Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
