Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
