did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
