he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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