she woke up with a sticky ear
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
