I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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