Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize