Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
