That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
