if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
