if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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