Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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