chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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