Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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