Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
