I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
