So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Couch. On fire.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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