Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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