I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this beer tastes like vomit already
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
