today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
