Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're like the curious george of whores
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
