I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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