He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
if only i could text you this smell
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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