Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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