It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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