3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
