There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
