Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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