he thought i was a dude.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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