I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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