I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
